Ok, to start out with, this topic is a little weird to me. So bear with me, it's just something I have noticed. It reminds me of the paper we discussed in class quite a few weeks ago. Daniel recalled the title to one of the papers he corrected as being something like: "Chivalry is Dead in the World Because Women Killed it". That title has been on my mind ever since. It made me really think about why, and if it is true or not? Because of this, I have become more observant, looking for signs of these occurances.
I have found that it is somewhat true. I went to an institute dance a few weeks ago. I was expecting to see more couples dancing during the "slow songs" than were actually dancing. I thought the guys would be more aggressive in asking a girl for "this dance". But they weren't!
There were a ton of guys just standing in a circle with their buddies, chillin, while girls stood around desperately waiting to be asked. Why is that? Is it really because guys think they'll be rejected? It's an institute dance. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be.
"Do you wanna come hang out tonight with me and some friends?" Has become the norm. It is the replacement for truly asking someone out on a date.
In my physiology class in high school, we were talking about hormones and what they do differently to both males and females. My teacher reported a statistic that proved that females have become more aggressive in the past few generations. It did not have a specific definition as to why. I think it's because they have had to. If the male won't do much, the female is going to have to right? Now I'm not saying that it is entirely the males job to do all of the work. That would never conclude with a successful relationship. It must be mutual. Females are also entitled to be bold at some point, although not all the time.
There is this guy in one of my classes who, lets face it, I am attracted to. From the way he teases me and slightly nudges my arm on occasion, I think he feels relatively the same way. In a conversation once, we found out that we had the same political science class at different hours with the same teacher. We had a mid-term coming up (ick) that would be helpful to study for. He said that we should study together and he got my number on a Thursday. He then said "I'll text you later." I was excited and knew that studying with someone would help me keep it in memory. The test was the very next Tuesday, so I was thinking he would want to study over the weekend sometime. Friday....Saturday....Sunday....Monday at noon, at 4:00, at 7:00, at 8:30. Nothing. Well I couldn't wait forever so I studied most of the day on Monday. At about 8:36 I couldn't stand it anymore, so I texted him something like, "Hey did you still want to study for that test?" At around 10:00 he texted back,"Oh man, I'm so sorry I totally forgot. I have had a busy weekend with work, volleyball and homework." I replied, "Oh, that's fine, I figured you were way busy. How about tomorrow after class?" He agreed, we studied, it helped.
While studying, we discovered that we had both taken 3 years of ASL in high school, so I invited him to come an activity planned by my Deaf ASL teacher. He told me to just text him about it. So I did. He ended up having to work instead, which was fine but a little frustrating. Is this how a guy feels after being told "no."?
It wasn't a big deal really. I just wonder if I have become a statistic in the aggression of females skyrocketing. I felt I was initiating everything.
What do you guys and girls think? Am I going crazy?! Are females truly becoming more aggressive with dating and such? Must they? Have guys become less aggressive due to rejection or the thought of it? Share your experiences. Tell me what you think or have observed, and if you could please try not to spread my story to the world, it would be much appreciated. :) Thanks.
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5 comments:
Interresting post! I think both sides of the field are even. I think girls can be too forward, not giving the guys a chance to grow a pair and make a move. But I also think that it has become more acceptable for girls to act this way. Why? Who knows, but times have definatly changed. It is easier to go on a casual hang out than to make a plan and schedule set times to go on an akward 1st date. Guys are definately more comfortable sitting on thier couch and watching a movie. I also find it interesting how we text instead of talk. How many times have you set up a "hang out" by text and then they get there and you aren't comfortable because you have rarely talked in person? I has happend to me, and it is way lame. What do you think?
i think it all depends on the individual case. i think, because of society's equalizing of the male and female roles in relationships, it becomes confused. "back in the day," there were standards and expectations for both genders as far as courting and whatnot. those standards have been since deemed sexist or inappropriate or whatever, and a lot of guys dont really know what to expect when trying something or what to do in any given situation, because girls are nuts. if we had a rule book of things to do and not to do, it would be a lot easier. and that never existed, but at least they had guidelines. now all is fair, and that makes it a lot harder to be forward with girls.
Not to sound mean, but I do believe that in our society men are becoming boys. Or at least they are not growing up to be the strong gender that they once were. Too afraid of rejection, or just too lazy or weak to put up a fight to get a girl, boys do less asking out on actual dates and have only heard of chivalry in fairy tales. Boys need to toughen up! So what if she turned you down for a date - she missed out on a good time and you move on! As boys becomes more mopey, moody, and touchy they become like girls. Meanwhile women become more firm and aggressive to pick up the slack. Or maybe the women became more aggressive first and then men turned into whishy-washy, wimpy boys. Either way it is a downward spiral.
My thoughts go to the man who asked me out for tomorrow night, no "hang out" - he just simply called me up and asked me. Unfortunately, I work Friday nights and had to turn him down - yep, rejection. But he was brave to show his interest in me so I baked him cookies this afternoon with a note attached which again thanked him for the offer and let him know that I always work Fridays but not Saturdays. See when a guy plays his cards right a girl responds very well, often reciprocating his own interest.
Chivalry is dying. Chivalry is the celebration between the sexes so why is it dying away? Especially since the 1960's and the sexual revolution chivalry has been slowly fading away from our society. I believe it has alot to do with morality and respect. Since back in the sixties morality has dropped more and more in women. Its hard to show respect for someone who doesn't show respect to themselves. Im not saying that is the only reason that chivalry died. Women are amazing things I know this because of the women in my life. Mom's, Friends, and girlfriends have been a big part of my life and you women are really amazing creatures and you guys put up with alot of stuff guys do. I think Chivalry is dying and its both Men and Womens faults. Men don't show enough respect and women don't demand enough respect. Tell me what ya think of this.
Wow Chance!! Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them and I have never thought about it that way before. That is a very interesting insight. Now that I think of what you said, I agree. It fits in perfectly with what I was trying to point out. You said "Men don't show enough respect and women don't demand enough respect." I think you have summed up my observations in one short, correct, easy to understand, sentence. Thank you!
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